i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
