Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
