I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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