You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
