hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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