she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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