I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
