one two three fourrrrnication!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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