dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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