I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
