i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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