I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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