Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
