I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
