ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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