She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
