I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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