Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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