I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
