remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
