wrigley field is MILF paradise
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
