A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
