butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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