yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
