it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
