hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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