really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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