Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.

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(309): View more from Illinois

She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.

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(917): View more from New York City

Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.

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(909): View more from California

and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

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(903): View more from Texas

Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.

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(571): View more from Virginia

Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.

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(214): View more from Texas

I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator

(214): View more from Texas

and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact

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