Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
