if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
