I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
