I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
