Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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