Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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