you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
