i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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