Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
