I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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