he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
