like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
