Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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