She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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