what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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