The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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