Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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