So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
