Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
