It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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