you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
