It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
