I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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